Life just keeps getting more and more interesting...

It's been about a week and a half since I got the call that Jon's grandfather had been in an accident and it was serious. He has been holding on for that week and a half and it's been so hard on everyone. When I got the call, I debated a little about whether I should go or not and then just decided I needed to be there. I've now been there almost everyday since that night. I go in to his room to see him and it's hard. This man always has a twinkle in his eye that reminds me of Jon's and tells the same story over and over again but you laugh anyway because these are the stories that mean so much to him. When we go in we try to tell stories to make him remember, to make him smile and he does. He's on a ventilator and he's on a lot of heavy duty drugs most of the time but when he's awake he smiles at us. The other night we had a scare and we all thought he was going that night. That was Friday and this is Sunday and he's still hanging on. So the family met with the doctor's and they made a decision to remove life support on Tuesday. They wanted time to get his youngest son here, who the family hasn't seen in 17 years so that he can say his goodbyes. But today, walking in to see him, at first I wasn't sure I was in the same room. He was more awake and conscious and when you talked to him, he moved his eyes towards you. He looked good, he had color and his hands weren't as swollen. The emotional part of me thinks that just maybe, just maybe. But at the same time, the medical part of me, the part that I need as a future physician says but all of the signs...all of the damage, it just doesn't add up to a long life. It's hard to deal with the confliction. But this is like my adopted grandpa and I just want him to live and to hear his stories about people I don't even know but who mean so much to him.

In addition to dealing with the medical problems, it's also been rough dealing with the emotional conflicts in the family. There's been so conflicts between his children and it's been coming out in the past week. Their stepmother doesn't help any. It's all been tiring. On top of all of that, Jon and I keep getting questioned about our relationship. We say we're just friends even though I think it's a bit more complicated than that but right now I think we both want to concentrate on getting through this tragedy (it sounds so melodramatic but it really is a tragedy). His family also keeps saying what a good person I am, how I'm an angel, etc etc for being there so much. It's kind of embarrassing because I don't think I'm doing much. I think I'm just doing what anybody would do for the people they care about and I feel bad because I wish there was more I could do. They ask me medical questions at times that I just can't answer and I wish I could just come up with a solution. Most of the time I just sit there and feel hopeless and helpless because I just want to be able to save him and give them back their father, grandfather, friend, whatever their relationship is. I apologize because this post wasn't supposed to be about me, but about him but through all of this I've felt so much emotion but with all the other emotions circling around I try to hold mine back and this is how I'm letting them out.

I just wish there was more I could do. I wish there was more that his religion would allow him to do. His religion prohibits blood transfusions and with a transfusion another treatment could be tried. The doctor has said it might only actually give him a couple more days and prolong the inevitable but at the same time, you never know, it could do more. It's just so frustrating.

But I should go to bed. Another long day tomorrow with school and then the hospital.