"Fat Like Me"

As you can probably guess from the title, the topic of this post is about being fat. Or if you want to go politically correct, overweight, obese, morbidly obese, etc. If you want to be nice about it, fluffy, chunky, hefty. Now you probably ask, where does she get off talking about it? Well I come from a long line of "obese" family members, and I am currently labelled as obese. Every time I go to the doctor, I get the typical phrase "you need to lose weight." I particularly love it when I get that statement from a doctor who has never been outside of their "suggested weight range" and so has no idea what it's like to try to lose a significant amount of weight. Wanting to lose ten pounds to fit into a piece of clothing is not something I consider significant. Not that I am downplaying the loss because hey 10 pounds is 10 pounds but if that's all you have to lose to be considered healthy, then you're lucky.

Okay so where am I going with this? Well I would like to tell you about the current struggle of my life that has been with me since I was oh...about 13 years old and the irritating habits of other people that go with it. About 2 months ago I hit the highest weight in my life, I won't say what it is because there's no need. I had already decided that once and for all I was going to lose the weight. You see, I'm going into medical school and not only can I not stand a doctor who has no weight to lose preaching to me about losing weight, I also hate it when a doctor who is just as overweight as I am tells me to lose weight ("it's kind of a like a "right back at you buddy" kind of reaction). So how could I be a doctor, one that focuses on prevention, preach about healthy habits, and not be healthy myself. But anyway, I still kind of doubted myself. I'm good at doubting myself because most of the time I think "I can't really do it. I've tried before and it hasn't worked. What makes me think it will this time?" So when I stepped on the scale, I stopped doubting myself. I knew it was going to happen because I couldn't stand looking at myself anymore. Furthermore, I had a new reason to lose weight besides just for myself (If you can't tell, I have low self esteem, so doing anything just for myself doesn't work for me). My new purpose: my father. Like I said, I come from a long line of obesity. My father and mother are two of those. My mother had a gastric bypass in December 2005. She was considered morbidly obese, couldn't lose the weight, but was still healthy (meaning no diabetes, heart disease, etc). She was a perfect candidate. She did amazingly well (and still is I might add). In June 2007, my father who was obese but not morbidly so, had a lap band put in (Basically it's a band that goes around your stomach and limits how much you can eat). To deal with stress and to help him stopping eating, my father chewed tobacco, but had to stop for the surgery (nicotine does some crazy things to the body...I highly recommend avoiding it. He had stopped for good, went cold turkey, until I found out a few months ago that he had started again (It was a stress reaction, his job sucks). I yelled at him because I hate the habit and because of all the problems it can cause. So he made a deal with me. I lose 50 pounds, he'll quit chewing. I said "buddy you're on" (my father and I had a good enough relationship that yes, I do actually call him buddy sometimes in that sarcastic way). So now I up to 20 pounds lost. Yea for me. But still kind of worried. I've had some help along the way. I just got braces so I haven't really been able to eat that much, but what about when my mouth feels better and I can eat. Not only that I am an emotional eater. If I'm bored, sad, happy, aggravated, depressed, whatever...I eat. I've been trying to control it but get this, I think I might actually be in a more emotional part of my life than I ever have been. I'm going to a new school, medical school no less, where I know nobody. Recently broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years and working with the person who is currently dating and living wtih my "Place title here" (I refuse to call him my "ex" because I still have hope and...it's complicated). So what happens when/if my control breaks? I'm sure it will at some point because hey, you can only hold it in for so long and it's what I've been doing my entire life. It's not like I'm going through therapy for it, and yes emotional eating is actually a problem that people can go to therapy for.

But anyway, now that I've blubbered for a while about my own insecurities, let's talk about what other people do that really irritate me. I've already told you about the doctors. But there's also the people that lie straight to your face, and I suppose they are trying to be kind but still. Okay scenario. An overweight person says "I'm so fat" (and it's blatantly obvious that they are overweight). Person they are talking to replies: "oh you're not fat, you're just fine." Grrrr! It irritates me. I know I am fat, and I wish people wouldn't go into denial about it. I'm not in denial why should you be? And no, using one of the euphemisms does not make it any better. Now I know everybody has there own characterization of what fat is but there are also medical standards of what fat/overweight is. Now I know they are technically supposed to be guidelines, but in my case, carrying around about 200 pounds of body weight on a 5'1" frame, is not good. That's fat and it needs to be dealt with, no denied.

Of course on the opposite end, I hate it when people blantantly point out the fact that I am fat. I know this sounds contradictory, but listen to my story, child. I go with my parents to their bariatric surgeon check up appointment. They go into their room and I stay out in the waiting room. Another women there, who watched my parents go into the examining room, says to me "when are you having the surgery?" I said "I'm not." She goes "oh but you should. Have it done while you are young" Now I am not discrediting the fact that bariatric surgery is a great thing...for some people. And for anyone who says that it's the easy way out....I would probably punch you, because it takes work...as they say in the meetings...it's a tool that you have to learn to use. But it's not right me for at this point in my life. I'll admit, I considered it, but I know it's not right for me. But anyway, back to the point I was trying to make, it's not necessary to blatantly point out to a stranger...oh you are fat and you should do something about it. A close friend, sure it's perfectly okay to say...I love you but you should do something about your weight because it's unhealthy. I'm serious, that's okay. But blantantly and rudely pointing out to someone that they are fat, when they probably already know, is just wrong. So is treating fat people differently just because they have the extra pounds.

Okay so I know I've rambled a lot and I hope everything makes sense. And a little disclaimer: I know that every body type has problems, but as fat and short is the only one I've had personal experience with, that's the one I have discussed. I could also probably go on forever about being fat, but I'm not sure it's not what you really want to read more about. So go forth my children and use the terms fat and obese and overweight...it's okay really. And with the way our society is going...it's probably something you should get a lot more comfortable with. Good night all.

My New Blog

Hello all. So I have to admit this is my first blog ever. Sometimes I read blogs, but rarely and I never write them, until now. You may ask, why now? Well, I believe I have come to see the power of the blog by reading one blog in particular. Typically this would not be a venue in which I would talk about myself, in fact, if you ask some people they would say I don't talk enough. I'm a very private person. But as of late I have realized that there are just a few things that I need to get off my chest and while yes I have friends who would listen, this might actually be a better way. First off, what's the likelihood of you (whoever you are) judging me? I mean unless you actually know me and that's the reason you are reading this blog, you probably won't ever meet me, though online friendships are always fun. Second, I'm not so sure I really care if I'm judged. I think I've worried about that my entire life and while no one would say I'm old (I'm only 22), I've gotten to the age where I'm tired of always doing what others will approve of and always making everyone else happy. So this will be my vent spot and when I'm not venting I'll discuss other things. I'm not deeply philosophical, but most people would say I'm fairly intelligent and can carry on a decent conversation or monologue as it might be. So welcome to my blog, I hope you enjoy your visit here. Take pictures, relax, and please come again.