Medical School

So I've been in medical school for 5 weeks now and I've learned a few things. Which you probably are saying, duh, you're in med school you're supposed to learn things (or at least I hope so since once day you make actually have to save someone's life). The things I've learned though go beyond where the muscles attach, what they do, and what every kind of cell you could possibly think of looks like cross-sectioned and stained. So what have I learned? I've learned how to fail, deal with that failure, laugh about it, maybe even cry about and then pick myself up so I don't fail again. I've learned that sometimes there are just things that are more important than medical school. In the very first week of med school, we had this discussion on time managment and balancing everything in our life. The instructor used the classic example of the the rocks. If case you don't know it, it goes like this:
One day in front of his philosophy class, the professor takes out a clear plastic pail and fills it with large rocks. He then asks his class, "Is the pail full?" To which they reply yes. He then takes out a back of pebbles and pours them into the pail and they fill up all of the spaces between the big rocks. "Is the pail full?" he asks his class. Even more enthusiastically then before, they reply yes. He then takes out a bag of sand and pours it into the pail and the sand fills up all of the spaces between the pebbles and big rocks. "Is it full?" he asks. Again the class replies yes. He then pulls out a jug of water and pours that into the pail and it soaks into the sand and fills up more space. He then asks the class what the lesson is here. One student says "that there is always more room." The professor says "No. The lesson is if you fill your pail with all of the little things in life, you won't have enough room for the big rocks."
You may find the example corny, but I have found it helpful in the past 5 weeks. You may say well then medical school is probably one of your big rocks and I'll say no, it's not. Granted, my entire life I have wanted to be a doctor and thus have strived to get into medical school but I could live without being a doctor. There could be another career out there for me. The things I can't live without or at least would not live well without: my family and friends, my health...my sanity. The lesson I've learned is that if I completely devote myself to medical school and dont' take care of the big rocks, I won't end up being a very good person and probably not even a very good physician.
So what does this have to do with the failure I've mentioned before? Well last week, the most difficult week we've had in medical school yet, I have to choose between my big rocks and the smaller things. My mother was having surgery on Wednesday, I had quizzes, an anatomy practical on Friday and the following week, an anatomy written test on Monday. Do I ignore my mother who is in the hospital to study? Some would have said that would be the better idea or at least limit my time there. I spent about 24 hours (the equivalent of an entire day) in the hospital with her. Sure I was able to study a little while there, but not the kind I would have gotten done if I had stayed home to study. I failed the anatomy practical and I failed the anatomy written exam. It's sad, but I didn't fail miserably on either. I lost about 24 hours of study time but I didn't fail by much. I'm curious to know what I could have done if I chose to stay away from the hospital for the most part. I'm curious, but I don't regret my decision. My mother feels guilty for my choice, but it was mine to make (something I am trying to teach my family, that I'm 22 and for the most part can make my own choices). But this time around, I laughed and I cried and now I've picked myself up. I've concluded that I'm not failing again and if I fail, then I'll just laugh and cry and pick myself up again. I'm working to figure out why I keep failing and I've discovered it's because I don't study well. I get distracted easily and have a short attention span (and no I don't have ADD or ADHD). So while I might be sitting at my desk studying for 4 hours, I'm probably only getting about 3 hours of really good study time. So I went and got help. That's another thing I've learned: to ask for help when I know I need it. Not just when I think I need it, but when I need it for real.
So anyway, medical school has made my reflect on my life a little. Yes I'm young but there's so much I feel I have done wrong that I reflect. And I use the old cliche: I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I had remembered my big rocks earlier on and maybe I would be an overall happier person right now. If I had maybe what I consider to be one of my big rocks would be closer to me rather than far away.
So this coming week, we start again with anatomy (we had a week off from it while we took a class in Spirituality, Medicine and Ethics, which was to say the least....interesting). So now that I've picked myself up, I'm determined not to fail again. But I'm ready for it if it happens. And I'm going to take better care of myself now. The past 5 weeks, I've kind of neglected me. I lost 30 pounds and haven't been able to exercise since school started. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any more either. I don't eat great because sometimes I don't eat at all and sometimes I eat the "wrong" things. So I'm going to take care of medical school (in fact, I have every intention of kicking its ass), but I'm also going to take care of myself.

And now I am going to go implement that resolution....by studying.